Most people believe that becoming a Rock star merely requires talent. And while talent is an important factor, (in most cases) it actually requires the ability to convince millions of people that you are better than them by spending vast amounts of money on ridiculous items that nobody really needs.
Rock Star tips on:
Buying a House
Living like a Rock Star requires more than owning a house. It requires owning several houses. And not just houses, but rather grand palaces requiring the level of customization usually reserved for kings, queens and Paris Hilton. Multiple pools, 10+ car garages and landing strips are more than wants; they are necessities.
A few places to start looking include:
Madonna “The Material Girl” owns houses in Wiltshire, England and in London. The Wiltshire home has 1,200 acres and belonged to late photographer Cecil Beaton. If you’re looking for seclusion from the American paparazzi, this is a good start.
Lenny Kravitz dropped the price on his duplex apartment in Manhattan’s SoHo neighborhood multiple times after several unsuccessful attempts to sell. A feature like a transparent staircase makes it suitable for a young Rock Star in need of a New York pad.
50 Cent The rapper’s 17.6-acre Connecticut mansion is not for the faint of heart. Boasting 52 rooms, a movie theater, four kitchens, a racquetball court, full gym, heli-pad, tennis courts, staff quarters, five Jacuzzis and an indoor shooting range, there’s a little something for everyone. Not to mention, there’s also a recording studio, casino, two billiard rooms, indoor and outdoor pools and a full disco. Who can resist a disco?
Top 5 Locations to Buy a House:
1. Los Angeles, California
2. New York City, New York
3. London, England
4. Malibu, California
5. Small Island, Undisclosed Location
Buying a Car
The first rule to buying a car like a Rock Star is to understand why they buy them in the first place. It’s all about status. Everyone knows that all good Rock Star stories start with, “Remember that time we were at that club and I was like, ‘Wanna jump up in my Lamborghini Gallardo… Maybe go to my place and just kick it like TaeBo!’
Top Rock star Cars:
1. Bugatti Veyron
2. Lamborghini Gallardo
3. Maybach
4. Rolls-Royce Phantom
(or Bentley of choice)
5. Cadillac Escalade
How To Date
The rules for Rock star dating and marriage are simple:
1) Marriages must not last more than eight months. Post-marital dating is optional.
2) At one point or another you must date or marry Pamela Anderson for a period of time not to exceed one year.
3) As a Rock Star, you should ensure that all future spouses understand that your career will, in ten years or so, go into a death spiral leaving you with little more to do than wallow in your former fame.
4) Marriages must take place in a Castle, outside of the country or at 4am in Las Vegas. Las Vegas is preferred.
5) A sex tape must be released to the public under the assumption that it was “stolen” upon break-up or divorce.
6) Just because you are taken doesn’t mean that you can’t go around having children with groupies.
How to Party
Contrary to popular belief, partying like a Rock Star is not an art. It’s a science. Here is everything you need to throw a party like only a Rock Star can.
1. Anatomically correct ice sculpture of yourself in the nude
2. Poison control ON speed dial
3. Several giant cages
4. Stripper pole, black lights and revolving dance floor
5. Paris Hilton
So good luck to all you aspiring Rock Stars out there! Follow these rules
and you are sure to make an ass of yourself… I mean make it to the top!
