I met this incredible girl through an online dating site. We’ve been emailing back and forth for a couple weeks now. She’s smart, funny, smokin’ hot and, to believe her emails, she’s incredibly sexual. I look at myself and wonder, “What would this chick want with me?” We’ve finally arranged a time to meet up face-to-face, but I’m worried I’m going to screw it up. Any advice? Shane ...
I’ve been home for a month now, and my mom has had some guy over pretty much every other night. He comes in at like one-thirty in the morning and leaves an hour later. She thinks I don’t know, but the walls are paper-thin, and it’s not like they’re exactly quiet in there. Either way, isn’t she a little too old for booty calls? How do I even begin to talk to her about this? Claudette ...
This will be my first Fourth of July in the area. Where are the best places to go for fireworks and other festivities? Wally Oh please, the best fireworks shows are the do-it-yourself’ers you pick up on a spur of the moment trip to South of the Border. Tell you what, why don’t YOU tell ME where the show is, because nothing says American Independence like a charred bloody stump. ...
My god, it’s hot out there. I can’t even walk to my car without feeling like I’m going to die of heatstroke. Do you think maybe this whole global warming thing is for real? Should we be concerned? Janelle Sure, it might be global warming. It might also be the fact that you’re in FLORIDA and it’s JULY! FRANK FACT: Frank switched his cab over to corn diesel after spending an afternoon ...
I was an idiot and fell asleep at the beach. Okay, passed out drunk at the beach. Either way, I got a sunburn way worse than anything I’ve had in my entire life. It hurts to even move. Any secret remedies you can think of to take away the sting? Elliot Well, the first one that comes to mind is a little thing we like to call SUNBLOCK. But since you haven’t read a newspaper in the ...
I’ve been down here for three years now. How come I’ve never seen your cab around town? Lydia I don’t pick up ugly people. FRANK FACT: Frank swears the Discovery Channel stole the idea for Cash Cab from him. His idea centered on hookers and unsuspecting Johns more than trivia questions, but still!
I can’t believe it. I got fake-numbered by some chick at the bar! I thought we had a good time. We were dancing, laughing, she let me kiss her goodnight. I didn’t even realize people actually did this. What gives? Vincent Okay, let’s give your panties some breathing room there, Vinnie. There’s still a remote chance that you’re not a gigantic loser. Maybe she switched a couple ...
Okay, so this is embarrassing but I have this patch of hair on my upper lip. It’s pretty noticeable, but I’ve heard that shaving or waxing it will only make the hair grow in thicker. I’ve tried bleaching, but it doesn’t seem to help. What should I do? Sabrina Let’s not paint these things up with fancy words, my dear. That “patch of hair on your upper lip” has a name. It’s called ...
What is the G-spot? I hear it mentioned all the time, but what is it really and how do I find it? Lars The G-spot is… you know… that place where… you kinda… you have to… it’s sort of like… well if you don’t know, I’m not going to tell you. FRANK FACT: The only thing Frank has spent more time looking for than the G-spot is the world’s best 24-hour Chicken-and-Waffle diner.
My boyfriend keeps checking out other girls. I think I look pretty damn good myself, so I don’t understand his need to keep turning his head whenever another girl walks by. Minnie I’m going to reiterate a point I made earlier: you’re in FLORIDA and it’s JULY! Have you seen what those other girls are wearing? Neither have I! It’s a boob, leg and belly button paradise out there. ...
Sugar makes you fat. Splenda gives you cancer. What is a health-conscious girl to do? Rhonda Come live with me. I don’t judge. We can lie around giving each other naked insulin shots if you want. FRANK FACT: Frank is the one who discovered the secret formula for Aspartame when he accidentally knocked a pile of aluminum into a pile of dog crap tainted with Blue Dye #6.
